Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize