Plan B is the new Plan A
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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