rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
