So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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