I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
