I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have tasted many bathrooms
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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