she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
