I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
