sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
