Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize