I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
