I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
