my phone needs a breathalizer
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize