Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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