Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
