This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
