there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
