peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
