So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
