my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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