i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
