I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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