At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
