Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
