3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
