So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
that's an acceptable place to lick
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
