No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
