2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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