i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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