How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
