I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
