i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
