Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
