can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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