Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
