So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
