At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize