the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
bring money and cleavage
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
