There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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