I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize