I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
