A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
