In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
