Soap is not a condiment
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
