I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
