I can tuck mytits in my pants
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
