He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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