Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
