The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
