doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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