Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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