fuck your aforementioned shoe
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
