Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
