About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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