hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
