are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
