I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
