Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
