She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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