About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
