smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
