I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
