Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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