It's like God shit irony all over that family
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
