I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
