I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
last night I used snow as a chaser
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
