We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
