im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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